turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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