I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
