I want to have your abortion
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
