He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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