So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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