Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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