look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize