Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
