And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
