2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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