she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize