Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
