hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Green mimosas i think yes
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
