Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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