She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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