If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
