i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We need a shit load of segways right now
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Randomize
