did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
