What a fucking waste of an outfit
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
