Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
