my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
