So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
