So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
