idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I cut my penus on the lid.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
