I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
