Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
