Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
