He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
