Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
