So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
