I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Randomize