Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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