She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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