she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I got inside last night via doggy door
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
