We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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