probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
