how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
