I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Are these your boobs on my camera?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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