i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We need a shit load of segways right now
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
