there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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