Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
