She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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