This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
