My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
