So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
