Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
