You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
