so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
