my sisters under your porch take her home
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
