My hand turned me down
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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