her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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