I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
