DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
