yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
