you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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