I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
