yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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