Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
