At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
