walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
