I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I have fence marks all over my body
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
