So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
