im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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