This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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