I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
