dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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