you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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