my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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