after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
