yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
