oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize