i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
dude i'm inner monologue high
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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