haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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