it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
