at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
