I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize