i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize