I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
