So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
