White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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