I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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