I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i was born a porn star she said
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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