Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
