he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
