Is it normal to miss your booty call?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
