Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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