The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
