These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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