my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
