im drinking this country out of the recession.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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