if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
