Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
