There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
