i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
