wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
