Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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