Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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