From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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