he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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