Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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