i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
